Learning Objective #4 Peer Review
I helped this student improve their essay in multiple ways. I not only gave corrections and suggestions but gave positive feedback and comments. In this draft this student needs improvement on analysis and detail, parts of the essay are very vague, especially the introduction and conclusion. They did not introduce their sources in their introduction and doing so would improve the essay quality and length. I also think they could introduce the topic more closely, it is just very generalized. Other improvements are improving on simple punctuation and citation errors. For example, on page 2 they forget to cite a source from Rebecca Solnit’s “Men Explain Things to Me”. Another example is when they put quotation marks around the word mansplaining, this is unnecessary because mansplaining is words, and the quotation marks suggest it is not. They also forgot to cite Solnit’s piece on their works cited page.
Even though this draft does need some work it also has many strengths. Its greatest strength is its fluency. From the introduction to the conclusion, their thesis stayed clear and the order of the paragraphs made sense. Although it was not very strong, the thesis statement was arguable, just needs to be more specific. Another strength of this article was its use of evidence and quotes. They chose strong pieces of evidence that support their thesis and that makes sense with their paragraphs. Along with their evidence, their analysis of the quotes goes deep into the texts and connects to the thesis and other points made through the paper. Even though many improvements need to be made this student clearly understands the prompt.
